What do we owe to each other?
This has been on my mind for sometime, and I have found that my answer to this question appears to put some people at unease: “nothing”.
Many folks get upset when I claim that, as humans, we don’t actually owe anything to one another. Reader, if you are one of those people, please stick with me for a moment. If you aren’t, then keep reading anyway so that I get to feel important.
My argument ultimately stems from my belief that we all have choice in life – i.e., free-will. How we interact with each other (if at all) or what one does in life is actually completely optional. There is no requirement to reciprocate in a relationship, or follow-through on a commitment, or fulfill the role you are asked to play. Actually, there isn’t anything in life we absolutely must do, there is only the question: am I prepared to accept the consequences that arise from this choice?
For example, there is no “absolute” requirement to eat but we generally understand that by not doing so we will shortly die – such a consequence is not usually seen as acceptable and is therefore avoided at all costs. One might argue that eating is actually something we must do as it is a requirement to continue to live. However, that would require living to be absolutely necessary and if that’s true then surely free-will is questioned by suggesting that, after we are forced into life (being born) we are then not able to choose to, so-to-speak, opt-out? Perhaps a stark example but I feel it gets my point across – and before anyone asks, no, the inclusion of this example isn’t motivated by anything other than I feel it is an effective one.
So why am I saying this? Well, if we don’t even have to eat, then we definitely don’t have to include each other in our lives, or treat each other well, or fulfil obligations. Then why choose to be kind? Why not choose to harm? Why bother making the “good” choice?
One may interpret this as if I am advocating for a “right” to be harmful to other people (which is a valid though depressing argument since that is indeed a choice one can make) but what I am actually trying to draw attention to is that the meaning behind a choice arises precisely because we didn’t have to make that choice – regardless if it’s “good” or “bad”. In other words, it’s optional to do anything, and that’s why it’s meaningful.
But how can one have responsibility if everything is optional? We can choose to see that way, which I do. I choose to believe our free-will gives rise within us a responsibility to do more good than bad, for ourselves, and to others – a responsibility for kindness. In a way, I do see this as a “must” because it makes no sense not to be this way. Particularly because I think kindness almost always has a net positive impact for everyone involved – I say almost, as I can’t think of an example (which I couldn’t counter argue by saying it contradicts the definition of the word kindness itself) but that doesn’t mean there isn’t one. Reader, I leave that up to you to discuss below!
As an added point, when a choice is made to be kind, however that may be realised, we should recognise this to be to be a choice and be grateful for it (and show it!), whether we are the recipient of the kindness, or just an observer.
I feel I have rambled a little bit and I do want to publish this post before the end of time, so I shall summarise. I argue that humans owe nothing to each other because all actions are choices made with free will. However, this freedom gives rise to a responsibility to choose kindness, as it is a meaningful and positive choice with a net positive impact. So, I shall answer my own question again.
What do we owe to each other?
Nothing, but kindness.